Just My Luck

The pain was indescribable, yet the feeling stays with me in memory. I was so unaware of everything else; later he would tell me that my screaming was so loud that it was hurting his ears, but even now I don’t think I was quite as loud as he makes me out to be. He’s probably right. I remember being so out of it because I was just so damn focused on the pain. I am normally very tolerable when it comes to physical pain, but when he was in me I was on the verge of crying, I really was. I didn’t, however. I felt lustful, but, at the same time, I felt unpleasant; a complicated mixture. When it was all over, my mind and body were tired.

Afterwards, I felt beautiful. We left the camper and were holding hands as we walked across the grass wonderfully naked. It struck me how beautiful it looked outside. The forest seemed picturesque, peaceful, and absolutely perfect. I could hear no vehicles, but I could hear the birds. Our surroundings were serene. I felt I was a part of something special; strangely, I felt one with nature. We came to the river’s edge and stepped into the water. I sat on a submerged rock to clean myself of the blood while he turned away to relieve himself downstream. I could hear the rippling sounds of water passing through a man-made lineup of rocks that connected one side of the bank to the other. I took the beauty of it all in and then stood up and faced him. He was cold, and so was I, so we embraced for a little while and talked under the heatless sun. We left the water, and I could tell he was still cold. I told him I wasn’t that cold and he said it was because I had taken all of his body heat. I guess, on our way back to the camper, I must have been walking ahead of him when he suddenly hugged me from behind. We stopped. He said, “Look at those people.” I was scared when he said that, but realized he was talking about our reflections in a glass window to our left. My breasts fitted nicely in his hands like a baseball in a glove. I considered the reflection, and decided in my head that I liked what I saw. Back inside, we were greeted with a slightly ghastly sight of blood on the blanket. He grabbed an edge of the blanket and folded it over to conceal the crimson. He finished dressing himself, while I was on the bed, still wiping my sandy and grassy feet off using a gray blanket. He leaned against the white bureau watching me. I got off the bed, walked towards him, and put my hands on his chest and slid them behind his shoulders to rest my wrists there. He put his hands around me. I glanced sideways to see my entirely naked body and his fully clothed self reflected within the frame of a long mirror leaning against the wall. I took notice of how nice the slender curve of my back looked. My bare bottom looked nice, too. I also thought to myself how lovely it was how my privates and nipples were nicely hidden by the positioning of my left leg and his right arm, respectively. ”This would make a very good picture,” I had said. He agreed, and he also made the same observation in regards to the coverups. I finally got dressed, with his help in finding my clothes, and we hopped into his truck and began the three-quarters of an hour drive back to the city where I lived. That was a pretty good day.

artforadults:

Jurgen Gorg

via

artforadults:

Florian Nicolle aka neo innov

I knew it would happen with him sooner or later, and sooner it was. I’m still trying to come to terms with it. It’s strange to think about it; I’m no longer a virgin. I’m not entirely traumatized by the experience, but there are worries; it was unprotected. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I knew at the time that he knew what he was doing, given the accounts of his unfailing experiences, yet I was aware of the risks and gave in anyway. Despite his reassurances, I can’t help but feel scared of the possibility of a pregnancy. I know it can happen to a girl even on her first time. This is driving me crazy. I had confided in a close friend the next day about what had happened. She admitted she noticed I was unusually quiet, which I didn’t think I was, but whatever. She was the first person I went to because she herself had a pregnancy scare a few months back, so she’s the only person who can literally understand what I’m going through right now. I’m so glad and grateful to have someone I can talk about this to, but she leaves in less than two weeks for the army. I don’t know what I’ll do without her because we won’t be able to keep in contact once she gets there. My period ended last week so I’ll have to wait an entire month to see if I’m late or not. I can’t wait that long, so the most obvious indicator is out of play. My friend kindly offered to go to Planned Parenthood to get one of those urine tests once her fiancé returns from basic training. She also offered to get condoms for me just in case it happens again. So I guess that’s the kind of girl I am now. I guess I need to keep condoms on me just in case. Wow. I almost can’t believe it. I also have to wear my hair down to cover the hickeys on my neck. When someone asked me about my neck, I would say, “Bruises, don’t ask.” Technically, they are.

artforadults:

Stray Pleasures

by Carne Griffiths

A day before the last of May,
Blood stains and innocence decay.

Silly me indeed. But whatever. :)

(Source: lovequotesrus)

sodamnrelatable:

I’m like

Their reaction

but when they scare me I’m like

via sodamnrelatable

This always happens to me -.-

(Source: mania-degif)

The girl he used to date is also a good friend of mine, or so I thought. Here’s how yesterday went:

I see her several times in the hall that day, and I say hi every time, but something is off about her. Later that day, at lunch, Linda sits a table behind me. She asks me, “Do you have Jesse’s number?”

Without thinking, I replied yes, and in my head I think, oh shit.

Another friend who is also sitting with her: “Oooh she has his number.”

Linda: “Can I see your phone?”

I take out my phone and go through my contacts until I get to his name. Then I give her the phone. I tell her I had already pulled up his number for her. I assumed she wanted to call him.

She has the phone for a long time and I know she isn’t talking on the phone. I have this awful feeling in my gut. I become anxious and I’m freaking out in my head, worried and shit. Luckily she can’t see my face, but my friend who is having lunch with me can and asks me what’s wrong. I can’t answer him, not when they’re behind me. I always make sure to delete text messages between us, just in case certain people gets a hold of my phone. I am in the situation I fear would happen eventually, and I know there is one message in my sent box that I haven’t gotten around to delete yet. It isn’t anything bad, but anything found in that phone would have confirmed the story in her head; the number is damaging enough. I’m very sure that a mutual friend of ours saw me in his truck as we drove away because I saw her, and must have told Linda. I get my phone back, but I don’t check it until the end of the day when I’m on the bus. I check “Dialed Calls” and sure enough, she didn’t call him. She was going through my phone.

I know what she thinks, and I don’t know what to tell her. I don’t think she’ll believe me if I told her nothing happened and that him and I are just friends - and that’s the truth. I don’t know how long that truth will be good for, though.

This isn’t the first time she had suspected me of something like this. A few times this year, she or something random chick I wouldn’t even know would come up to me in the hall asking me if I liked Jesse, or vise versa. Damn, every since I befriended this guy - or rather, ever since HE befriended me - there be girls asking me this and that. I think they’re all seniors, and yesterday was the seniors’ last day. So hopefully with them gone, the drama will be, too.